The day these spots first aired, people
were calling the radio stations --
and Prince Macaroni Company
-- to find out when the next
one would be on.

Mad Ave. headhunters
were calling the agency
I worked for to find out
who wrote the spots.

I created, wrote, cast,
produced and directed
these spots.

Prince "Spaghetti Western Theatre" (:60) Black Bard

MUSICAL OPENING: ("William Tell Overature" a la Long Ranger theme)

ANNCR (OVER): Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, and time for the Prince Spaghetti Western Theatre.

FELICITY: Help me!!! My reputation has been ruined!!!

LASH LASAGNA: This sounds like a job for Lash (FX of whip cracking) Lasagna.

FX: DOOR BEING KICKED OPEN

LASH: What's the trouble m'am?

FELICITY: Black Bard, the meanest poet in the west, insulted my lasagna.

LASH: What did you say, Bard?

BLACK BARD: I had a warm spot in my tummy for lasagna that was firm and yummy. But, this lasagna's limp and crummy.

LASH: (looking at the lasagna) Hmmmm. I'm afraid he's right. This lasagna is the pits!

FELICITY: What shall I do?

LASH: Simple. Just cook up this here Prince lasagna. It holds up firm, aldente. And the curly edges hold sauce better.

FELICITY: I'll do it right now.

TRANSITION MUSIC: LONG RANGER THEME

FELICITY: Well, Black Bard. What d'ya think of Prince lasagna?

BARD: Prince lasagna's good and golden. For this fine dinner, I'm beholdin'. Because it cooks up firm -- aldente -- to you and Prince my complimen-tee.

FELICITY: Oh, at last! Justice has been done with Prince lasagna.

LASH: And poetic justice, at that.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNCR (OVER): Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of the Prince Western Theatre.

Prince "Spaghetti Western Theatre" (:60) Buffalo Bill

MUSICAL OPENING: ("William Tell Overature" a la Long Ranger theme)

ANNCR (OVER): Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, and time for the Prince Spaghetti Western Theatre.

FX: INDIAN ATTACK (CONTINUED UNDER)

CHESTER: Boy, somebody sure ruffled Chief Leaning-tower's feathers.

LUCKY: I'll bet it's those pasta dinners he just bought.

CHESTER: I thought he loved Prince dinners.

LUCKY: Oh, Charlie put a bee in his war bonnet about those other brands.

CHESTER: Looks like he got stung.

LUCKY: Uppps. Here comes the Chief under a flag of truce:

MUSIC: (HAIL TO THE CHIEF)

CHIEF: Paleface speak with spaghetti-forked tongue. Like fruit of the poor lemon, me find other dinners im-pasta-bull to eat.

LUCKY: Prince dinners are better?

CHIEF: Yes. Prince dinners have more varieties that hold cheese better...and feed whole family four different Prince dinners for one buck.

LUCKY: I'll bet that saves a passel of money.

CHIEF: Yes. With Prince dinners, save plenty of wampum for Indian Summer vacation.

LUCKY: Swell chief. Let's call a truce.

CHIEF: Not so fast pasta-nose. What about buffalo you take from land?

LUCKY: Well, we'll pay for those in Prince dinners. Just send us an invoice.

CHIEF: You mean, a "Buffalo bill?"

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNCR (OVER): Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of the Prince Western Theatre.

Prince "Spaghetti Western Theatre" (:60) Custer

MUSICAL OPENING: ("William Tell Overature" a la Long Ranger theme)

ANNCR (OVER): Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, and time for the Prince Spaghetti Western Theatre.

FX: (INDIAN CAMP AND DANCE NOISE)

DUSTY: Just sign here chief and we'll pay you in Buffooni Pasta.

CHIEF: A-nee-nah-wah-ta-ka!

DUSTY: What's that mean.

CHIEF: Go pound sand, white-eyes. Only trade land for rich, golden Prince spaghetti. It's made in true Italian way.

DUSTY: You mean the one with the window in the box?

CHIEF: Yes, to see rich, golden color.

DUSTY: You sure know a lot about Prince spaghetti.

CHIEF: Old indian saying go: In order to know Prince, you must eat his spaghetti for 3 Wednesdays.

DUSTY: I didn't know that.

CHIEF: It is obvious you have walked in wrong moccasins. Prince spaghetti also has portion control panel on box, so you measure out right amount.

DUSTY: Prince sure is a cut above the rest.

CHIEF: More than one cut. Prince has more different cuts than Custer has arrow shirts.
(laughing) Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. Pardon old indian joke.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNCR (OVER): Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of the Prince Western Theatre.

RIDER: Hi-Ho Guido...Awaaaaaaayyyy!

MUSICAL OPENING: ("William Tell Overature" a la Long Ranger theme)

ANNCR (OVER): Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, and time for the Prince Spaghetti Western Theatre.

MISSY: Help!!!! Save me!!!!

LASH LASAGNA: This sounds like a job for Lash (FX of whip cracking) Lasagna.

FX: DOOR BEING KICKED OPEN

LASH: What's the trouble m'am?

MISSY: I burned the manicotti.

LASH: Yukkkkkk! You went from aldente to el burnte.

MISSY: Daddy will be furious.

LASH: Don't worry little missy. If'n you let me cook up some of this Prince lasagna, I'll show you a new trick.

TRANSITION MUSIC: LONG RANGER THEME

LASH: Now watch what I do with my fingers, m'am.

MISSY: Why, you're rollin' that little ol' Prince lasagna into a manicotti.

LASH: Yep. Prince lasagna is light enough and thin enough to roll up into instant manicotti. And these curly edges hold sauce better.

MISSY: Awwww. You're such a sweetheart for showin' me new ways to better my cookin' with Prince products.

LASH: Thank you m'am. I'm sure your daddy'll be absolutely floored by the goodness of Prince.

MISSY: I'm afraid he already is. You got him with the door when you came in.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNCR (OVER): Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of the Prince Western Theatre.

Prince "Spaghetti Western Theatre" (:60) Miss Charity

MUSICAL OPENING: ("William Tell Overature" a la Long Ranger theme)

ANNCR (OVER): Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, and time for the Prince Spaghetti Western Theatre.

CHARITY: Take that, ya galoot!

FX: CHAIR BREAKING OVER HEAD AND FALLING TO PIECES
OWWWWWW!

CHARITY: You eat my macaroni and salad this time, or you'll wear it.

PRINCE MACARONI KID (voice like Dennis Weaver): What's the trouble miss Charity?

CHARITY: Oh, Prince Macaroni Kid, it's George. First he wants my macaroni and salad hot, then he wants it cold. So I broke this chair over his head.

PMC: Well, I've got just the thing for you right here.

CHARITY: A stronger chair?

PMC: No. Prince macaroni and salad mix. You can serve it hot or cold.

CHARITY: Ya mean it tastes great either way?

PMC: Yep. And it's convenient, too. Everything you need is in one box.

CHARITY: Aww. Bet it's expensive.

PMC: Nope. Only about a quarter a box.

CHARITY: WOW!!!

PMC: And Prince also makes macaroni and cheese, shells and cheddar, and twists and cheddar dinners that hold cheese better.

CHARITY: Geeze that's more than any other brand.

PMC: Yep.

CHARITY: Well, thanks to you Prince Macaroni Kid, George and I are gonna finally hit it off!

PMC: Yep. But uh...this time...not with the chair.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNCR (OVER): Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of the Prince Western Theatre.

Prince "Spaghetti Western Theatre" (:60) Trader

MUSICAL OPENING: ("William Tell Overature" a la Long Ranger theme)

ANNCR (OVER): Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, and time for the Prince Spaghetti Western Theatre.

TRADER: Whatta ya need today, Chief Window-in-the-box? Blankets, bows, peace-pipes?

CHIEF: No. You charge scalpers prices.

TRADER: What else ya need?

CHIEF:Wednesday is Prince spaghetti day. I'll take 10 cases of Prince spaghetti.

TRADER: Ya mean the one with the portion-control panel and the rich, golden color.

CHIEF: Yes. Like sun that shines over beautiful forspacious skies, and amber waves of grain. You like words? Maybe you use for national anthem.

TRADER: Why sure, and we can make Wednesday National Prince Spaghetti Day.

CHIEF: Okay. Me take 10 cases of Prince spaghetti now.

TRADER: You sure must be expectin' a big crowd.

CHIEF: Yes. We throwing party for General Custer at Little Big Horn.

TRADER: Hey, that sounds like fun! Mind if I come along?

CHIEF: Oh, not at all. Bring whole fort.

TRADER: The whole fort? You sure?

CHIEF: Honest injun. Wednesday is Prince spaghetti day. Time to enjoy.

TRADER: Well, uh...how do we get there?

CHIEF: Just take main road out of fort...then follow arrows. huh, huh, huh.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNCR (OVER): Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of the Prince Western Theatre.

Prince "Spaghetti Western Theatre" (:60) Sauce Brothers

MUSICAL OPENING: ("William Tell Overature" a la Long Ranger theme)

ANNCR (OVER): Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, and time for the Prince Spaghetti Western Theatre.

FX: SOUND OF INDIAN CAMP WITH DRUMS AND DANCING IN BACKGROUND

PRINCE SPAGEHTTI KID: Good afternoon m'am. Prince Spaghetti Kid to see Chief Window-in-the-box.

RESERVATIONIST (Paul Lind voice): Do you have a reservation, blue eyes?

PSK: Very funny.

RES: This way.

CHIEF: Ah, nice to see you, man from Prince who speaks with golden tongue. Would you like to see my Prince spaghetti dance?

PSK: I didn't know spaghetti could dance.

CHIEF (DANCING): No. Me. Um-ba-wha, hi-ya-ha, cha-cha-cha.

PSK: Where'd you learn to dance like that?

CHIEF: Harvard. When I was there I had Prince spaghetti every Wednesday.

PSK: If you already know so much about Prince spaghetti, why did you invite me here?

CHIEF: To make you sauce-brother.

PSK: With non-starchy Prince spaghetti sauce?

CHIEF: Yes. We be true sauce-brothers, because Prince only uses finest tomatoes.

PSK: And don't forget imported olive oil and spices.

CHIEF: Yes. Now we share Prince spaghetti sauce from same pot, like this. Then I do ritual dance.

PSK: Uh, don't tell me chief. You're doin' the old sauce-shoe?

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNCR (OVER): Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of the Prince Western Theatre.

Prince "Spaghetti Western Theatre" (:60) Stage Coach

MUSICAL OPENING: ("William Tell Overature" a la Long Ranger theme)

ANNCR (OVER): Wednesday is Prince Spaghetti Day, and time for the Prince Spaghetti Western Theatre.

FX: GUN SHOT OVER STAGE COACH WHEELS, FOLLOWED BY HORSES WHINNIE.

GUIDO BANDIDO: All right, this here's a stickup.

GABBY: Whoaaaa. It's the Bandido Brothers.

GUIDO: Let's have all your gold.

GABBY: What gold? This is the Prince Express.

CHARLIE BANDIDO: C'mon. We know you got a shipment of gold.

GABBY: You mean golden Prince pasta?

GUIDO: Prince pasta?

GABBY: Yeah, Prince pasta has a rich, golden color. Lookie here.

GUIDO: Hey, there's a window in the box.

CHARLIE: Look at them cute little elbows.

GUIDO: You shore are gettin' strange, Charlie.

CHARLIE: No, I mean the Prince elbows.

GABBY: Prince holds up aldente.

GUIDO: Al Dente? Wasn't he a friend of Zorro's?

GABBY: No. Aldente means firm; real Italian. That's the way all Prince products cook up.

SHERIFF: All right. Drop that Pasta.

GABBY (joyfully): It's the sheriff.

GUIDO (to Charlie): Grab the rest of it and let's get outta here.

FX: HOOF BEATS RIDE OFF IN A RUMBLE OF DUST.

GABBY: Waaaaaaiiittt! They're gettin' away with my shipment of golden Prince. What'll we do?

SHERIFF: Simple. We'll head 'em off at the Pass-ta.

GABBY: That's a Prince of an idea pardn'r.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

ANNCR (OVER): Tune in next Wednesday for another episode of the Prince Western Theatre.